Glenfergie Away loss

Up against an away loss to Everton at Goodison Park with Chelsea leading against Bolton this is what Sir Alex had to say to his Manchester United players at half time.

(Commotion in the dressing room as united are a goal down at half time getting no joy in the final third when Sir Alex walks in)

SAX : Let me have your attention! We're talking about what? Bitching about some goal you missed some Son of a Bitch referee dint give you a penalty, some broad dont like what youre crossing so on so forth lets talk about something important! Are they all here?

Carlos Queiroz : All but Cristiano.

Sax : Im going anyway. Lets talk about something important. (To Evra) Put that Gatorade down!! You think i'm fucking with you. I am not fucking with you. I am here from Malcolm and Glazer im here from downtown and i'm here on a mission of mercy!
Your name is Patrice? You call yourself a leftback you son a bitch!

Giggs : I dont need to listen to this shit.

Sax : You certainly dont pal , cos the good news is you are all losing the title, the bad news is you've got YOU ALL have got just one half to regain the title starting now, this minute!
Are you laughing now? You get the picture? You ve got the contracts Malcolm and Glazer are paying good money for your asses, score the fucking goals, you cant score the crosses you're given you cant score Shit! You are shit!! Hit the bricks pal and beat it cos you are going out.

Solksjaer : The crosses are weak!

Sax : Oh the crosses are weak, the FUCKING crosses are weak! You're weak! You cant play in a young mans game go home and tell your wife your troubles. Cos only one thing matters in this game. YOU GET THE BALL INTO THE BACK OF THE NET!!! You hear me you fucking faggots?!


ABS : Always be Scoring. ALWAYS BE SCORING!!!

P C M A : Possesion ,Counter ,Marking ,Attack

Posession : Can you keep posession? Oh you better or youre gonna get fucked on the counter

Counter : Can you get the motherfucking ball to Ronaldo on the counter?!

Marking : Are you marking your man for Christ!!!

and Attack!



PCMA! You got the cross coming in you think he put that in to see it cleared. A man does'nt cross lest he wants you to be at the end of it! The defenders are out there waiting to give you chances! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it!

Giggs : Bunch of crap!

SAX : Whats the problem pal! You see these boots? You see these boots?! These boots hit a face that earns more in a day than the cost of your car! You see pal thats who these boots hit and youre nothing. You used to be a stud? Fuck You! Go home and tell your grandkids those stories. If you wanna play here SCORE!

(To Carrick) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse you COCKSUCKER! You cant take this how can you take the abuse you're gonna get at Stamford! You don't like this? Go to LEEDS!

You wanna go out there in the second half and score, SCORE! If not you ll be shining Maurinho's boots.

These are the new title medals. These are the 'Premiership' medals. To you they are gold and you dont get them. Cos giving them to you is just throwing them away. They are for Scorers only.

Id wish for you that the goalkeeper made a mistake but you would'nt know what to do with a ball and an open goal if you got it.

United replies with four goals in thirty minutes in the second half. Hell Freezes over as
Mr Eagles scores the last one. Chelsea draw 2-2 at Bolton. 5 points clear at the top of the table. GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!!!

Not Happenin

Sitting at home on a Friday night,
With nothing but this poem to write.
I look out my window and i see the town,
Calling me out to wipe that frown.

I look to my friend and say Hey Fred,
Lets go out and paint the town red.
Lets go to that new pub it'll be so fun
Fred says ''Not happenin there's work to be done''.

I looked at him and sighed for i knew he was right
There was enough work to last us the night.
Assignments,quizzes, essays and reports to do,
And everything else that could be dumped onto you.


I should be out somewhere, dancing in celebration
Not in here reading about Electromagnetic Induction.
Someone save me from this terrible ordeal
Fred says "NOT happenin man get Real!"

Resigned to my fate i take to my book,
but just for a second out the window i look.
There was my friend Mary jane as usual in white,
With brown socks and shoes she stepped into the light.

Eyes wide Fred said "Dont open the door!",
Too late, Mary stepped in and lit up the floor.
Fred looks at me and says "Dont!Its a sin",
I say "Not happenin Freddy, Im goin in."

Freddy never really got along with Mary Jane,
He says he d much rather endure the pain.
As for myself i knew i wasnt up for the fight,
Id rather embrace good old Mary tight.


So i look at Mary and pucker my lips,
And put my right hand around her hips.
She reaches in and gives me a kiss,
Eyes closed i step into the abyss.

That was'nt enough i reached in for one more,
This time much much longer than before.
My head felt as light as a baloon,
I knew that i wouldnt feel much else soon.

By this time Fred had seen quite enough,
Life without Mary Jane must be tough.
I say "Hey Fred ill see you Monday then mate?"
Fred says "NOT happenin we have an exam tomorrow at 8!"

SCREWED!

Romeo,Shakespeare and a gun to the head.

In sooth i know not why i am so sad. Actually its probably cos i was watching a shakespeare movie on valentines day!!! To quote Tyler Durden - "Congratulations, you have just hit rock bottom".

In my defence i was asked to watch the movie( Romeo and Juliet) in preparation for my role in IIT M s play production. We're doing Merchant of Venice. We also plan to plant cameras in the Holy Trinty church Stratford( Shakespeare's burial ground) to capture him tossing in his grave.

Look im not a huge fan of Valentine's day myself. Sure its just another day. Sure its just another excuse for people to make out in our sports stadium and another excuse for our sad lifeless Dean to make a round of the campus to catch these miscreants. And like some believe it was probably created by Hallmark and Archies to sell more cards. But having nothing better to do than sit in your room and watch an adaptation of a Shakespearan love story on Valentines day makes you want to pull out a gun and splatter your brains all over the wall . I guess it was only apt that in the movie Juliet ended her life that way. In the words of A. A. Mill - " I have no life".

Well its not like i was out painting the town red same time last year but back then i dint have a blog. Now i do, ergo im cribbing. Cos isnt that what blogs are for? To dump stuff that you would otherwise be embarassed to share with anyone. I could be wrong.

Divine Intervention

Ah each time i come here im reminded of how i dont blog nearly enough. Well i have had an excuse for the last twenty days. I have been on a trip to the land of the Rhinoceros (Assam) for the 42nd Inter IIT Sports meet. And the fact that we all returned safely is going to be used as an advertisement for Assam Tourism. Well 8 bomblasts and none of them hit us of course its safe there!

Well amidst the ULFA scares the army post in the campus and an incredible abundance of tea we actually had some sport. To be honest when we got there the place looked in no shape to host a sports meet. The cricket field looked like a swamp, there was construction all around and our two day train trip had made matters worse. But then it picked up and turned out to be quite an enjoyable experience after all.

The one moment that will remain with me throughout my life from this trip is the last ball of our Bombay match. We had been mauled in the previous match and i had a front row seat for the mauling be it at covers or at the runners end when people were getting out. We needed to win the bombay match and we seemed headed to do so. After a good bowling performance we seemed to be set to register our first Inter IIT win in two years. But then the familiar batting collapse happened and we found ourselves staring at defeat once again. I remember us needing something like 40 runs of 5 overs when i got out and frankly i did not see that happening. There was the familiar silence of the previous match in the dressing room but this time we were facing elimination. For some weird reason( atleast it seemed weird at that time) the captain had saved one of our most experienced guys for the end. Something was whispered into his ear by the captain as he went out to bat but then he had done the same thing to every other guy who went out there to no avail. i dont remember most of what followed because i was mostly just looking down or trying to console other members of the team who had given up. At one point i had walked onto the field head down thinking the match was over only to be floored and pulled back by one of my teammates.

What followed after that was something i still cant comprehend. It is one of those things that just happen and you dont really know why or how. We needed 26 runs of two overs with one wicket in hand and we somehow got it to 9 off the last over. This included a misfield for four and wide that went to the boundary and many other suicidal Bombay moments. They were self destructing for no apparent reason. We got it down to three runs of one ball and still i dint believe it would happen. I was hoping for a nudge somewhere for two runs so we could tie the game and salvage something in the next game. Bombay madness again made sure we got three runs off an overthrow and we won the match against all odds.

I define anything beyond my logical comprehension as divine. And this was way beyond my comprehension. In my mind we dint deserve to win. Bombay seemed to have done everything right. They had shown no signs of crumbling till then. It all seemed to make so much sense until the last few overs. Even after the match i was shocked more than happy. This match would of course lead to us winning the tournament and with that the General Championship by two points ironically from Bombay. I never thought that at the age of 21 id be talking about a cricket match at such length but then this was one of those experiences which are so indescribable that you love trying to describe it.

There were six bomb blasts on the night we left which was our cue to leave i guess. We were falling in love with that place a little too much. Glad to be back home :)

Soldier no 7

There are times in your life when you feel you just dont matter. You are in no way affecting the outcome of anything or anybody. Kind of like the Soldier no 7 ( or any other number hardly matters) in some big theatre production. He technically IS part of the cast. He goes for all the rehearsals. But everyone including him knows that even if he does hoola hoops on stage people are still only going to be focussing on the hot lead actress playing the nurse and the injured war hero. Aww they are so cute! :|

No call or message all day. Not even an annoying Airtel- Do you want to download Asin photos? (How i miss that irritating bastard!). No scrap No mail.Yup you could be dead for all anyone cared! Its time like these that the words of Tyler Durden ring in your head.

"You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.You are the all singing all dancing crap of the universe.You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. "

Yup he knew what he was talking about. "Cheer up man! Life is all about ups and downs. Take schumi for example. His last race his engine gives up on him and he loses the championship!"

Yeah right. Lucky german bastard wins some 6 championships breaks every effing record in the sport. Made more money than the GDP of Africa! And we're using him as an example. That makes a lot of sense :|. People are too optimistic for their own good.

Its times like these you love your blog :). Thanks for listening buddy!

The elusive 'HAT' trick

Ah been a while since i posted here. For a while in the middle i thought i had lost my beloved blog( which ive bothered to update only twice :|) with the shift from blogspot to blogger but here i am again.

The night of the 14th of september a friend and i decided to don the 'Hat' and stop mugging for the quiz the next day ( For info on this mysterious hat refer to George Carlins stand up comedy acts). It turned out to be a great move as we were treated to a wonderful match between Man united and Celtic. The match was a tale of two hats. As Louis Saha searched for his Hat trick Mathew Gravesen searched for his Hat. Gravesen who began the match with the 'Im the man' look was reduced to a clumsy bald guy on the field by the likes of Scholes and Carrick.

Quite agaisnt the run of play Venegoor of Hesselink ( thats his real name!) made ferdinand lose his hat and Van der saar his footing to slot in the first goal. A little later the keeper at the other end lost his hat and went for Ryan giggs' privates which the referee naturally deemed a yellow cardable offense. Saha would go on to convert the penalty, 1-1 game on. Saha decided to make hay while the hat is on and converts a brilliant through ball by scholes into his and uniteds second goal. Wes brown would later concede a free kick outside the box and Saha would track back to be part of the wall. Instead of jumping with others in the wall to block the ball Saha decided to take the opportunity to adjust his privates and naturally the ball went over his head into the far post, 2-2 game on!. While all this is going on of course Gravesen would keep on losing and refinding his hat.

After the half is over united decides to wear the Hat once and for all and a nice build up leading to an easy finish by Solksjaer. Celtic would not have another sniff at the game and poor Gravesen would never find his hat again.

Youre probably wondering why you needed to log in to a joblesses blokes blog and read a review of a champs league match ( a vague one at that) when you could have easily logged onto espnstar. Well you probably should have done that :).
But now that youre here you can read the invisible hat im wearing.

Look up in the sky! Its a bird! Its a plane! Its SUPERMAN!

Well needless to say i watched Superman Returns. And despite all the reviews on the internet and the dumass comments by bollywood actors ( who actually compared superman to krish!!) i have to say i enjoyed the movie. It had all the classic superman elements- the swooping rescues from falling buildings, catching a plane in mid-air, aerial tour of the city with a girl- all the good stuff that makes you love superman.

Brandon Routh for me looked the part and i did not think anyone would even come close to achieving the Superman look the way Christopher reeves did (the old superman). He (Routh) had the classic superman smile and the trademark hands on hip pose to go with it. He actually looked a lot like Reeves in the movie i thought. As far as the movie is concerned it had its bad moments. I found Kevin Spacey really irritating in the movie , but hey the guy has won two oscars who am i to trash him. Kate bosworth too was disappointing as Lois Lane. You would think a girl juggling between Superman and James Marsden would be more cheered up in life :D.

The best moment of the movie has to be when the kid throws the piano at the guy who was about to assault his mom. Yeah all of us expected it but it still was cool. He then tosses aside his asthma shot which well i just hope other asthmatic kids dont try. Also when Lois Lane kisses Superman i was half expecting him to wake up then. That would have REALLY ruined the movie.

Well its no doubt Superman is the most popular superhero of all time. As a kid you would rather fly or have x ray vision. Web throwing and pole sliding arent exactly on top every kids wish list. Also of the three (Batman, Superman, Spiderman) , superman is the only one from another planet. I guess that makes the stuff he does more believable. I think the movie could have done without the "Im always around" line. Sounds too much like the cheesy "Im your friendly neighbourhood spiderman". A Chandleresque "America loves Superman, Thank you NEW YORK, Good Night!!" might have been a better sign out line :D. Or not whatever.